The Don of Anti-Mafia’s – Laugh of the Day

So there I was heading out of my office to get some refreshing ice-cold water, when I see two young adults standing at my colleagues door. To what do my curious ears hear, they informing him that at our place of employment, the young IT programmers are trying to start a union (better term is mafia) and was wondering if he wanted to sign a petition and get information in regards to what the mafia has to offer. As I strolled past I let out a loud, “Oh Hell No!!!, imagine referring to your union as P.U. for Programmers Union, it will work just as bad as it sounds.”

Leisurely strolling back around the corner, still laughing at the thought of the P.U., I see these two yahoo mafia inductees standing in my door. The look on their face was priceless; A stern, proud, and aggressive demeanor but their eyes showing fear, they begin opening their sewage holes about joining the P.U.. Their failed attempt of looking tought, was met with my bald-headed thug glare to their nervous eyes, and I promptly said “Don’t even think about talking to me about a union, they are a corrupt group of mafia impersonators only wanting to take advantage of people, promote laziness, corrupt the government and are a waste of time.” I sat down and they stepped forward continuing to spew union garbage. I stood up, walked towards them and as soon as they passed through the doorway to my programming sanctuary, I kicked the doorstop away and slammed the door in their ignorant faces. After, I heard a loud laugh coming from behind me, through my colleagues wall. And I hear faintly, “Only you can get away with that kind of stuff!! Nice job!”

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Stop smoking in the smoking section please – Stresser of the Day

There I was, sitting in the small courtyard at work, minding my own business and performing one of the most heinous habits of them all. No not digging for gold, picking my seat or picking at my potatoes. I was filling my lungs with the cancer causing chemicals of tar, nicotine and arsenic. Yes I know smoking is bad and that it is shortening my life. Please don’t say “Just quit smoking“, if you say that will find something that you use to take stress, anxiety and anger away and tell you to quit that, its only fair. I know I have to quit, it’s not that easy but soon i am going to have to stop smoking at work all together anyway, but that story is for another time.

This story is what happened today, when I was enjoying my time to relieve some work related stress. I was sitting in a company designated smoking area, signs were clearly visible. If you look around, near every bench, there is a gravel vertical ashtray to deposit your spent cancer sticks; some ignorantly think it is a trash receptacle as well. As i was sitting there, a young man and woman proceeded to sit down two benches away, took out their, what looked like their regurgitated breakfasts and started to eat. I proceed to take my usual inhaling of poison and exhale with ease and see the stress exiting my body. Then I heard the usual, attention getter… “cough, cough.” It wasn’t to loud but just loud enough for me to hear. Then it proceeded to get louder and louder, and being a parent I have developed a keen sense of super sonic hearing. Under their breath i heard them say,

Put your hands in the air! Back away slowly from the keyboard – Stresser of the Day

Image by Old Shoe Woman via Flickr

Some people got it, some people try but don’t and others well… They should not even attempt to get it.  What am I speaking of you ask? Life, no that is a portion of an enigma that will always run in your wildest fantasies. Love, that is not quiet something that someone “gets”, they more or less acquire it. Elected into the Presidency, well lets face it almost no one needs to do even desire that. I am speaking of skill and knowledge. Skill and knowledge to comprehend, learn and achieve desired results in your profession. Very anti-climatic I know, but let me explain.

Every six months I begin a new large project for my place of business. I have reluctantly dwindled down the calamity of catastrophes from the past wanna-be software programmer, whom was considered my predecessor. Seeing the garbage that spewed from this individuals decrepid fingers, I would like to take the old saying, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks” and prove it wrong. I have approximately 20 years in the industry I am in, and I believe from what I have heard, that the “programmer” before me, has about 30 years. I am not sure what he actually did during those 30 years, but it definitely was not in creating organized and productive software and databases. It is painful to my ears and programming heart to hear from my fellow colleagues that they were told