Interview with a mute – Laugh of the Day

Imagine arriving at your potential new employer, rehearsed and thinking positive. You sit down in front of a panel of three; An older gentleman in a 3 piece suit, binder and note taking utilities in hand, a younger gentleman dressed very casual looking like he was dragged in just for the hell of it with a goofy grin on his face and a shaved bald gentleman, intimidating and rugged looking like a bouncer asked to sit in to keep the peace. Your palms sweat and your lungs fluctuate intensely filling with air and collapsing on each breath. You take one last deep breath when the older gentleman opens his mouth and says “Let’s begin.”

Your resume is reviewed and obviously already answered questions are asked that you easily spew the answers from your mind out through your mouth. An introduction about what the company is and who we are is dribbled out to you slowly and painfully boring, yet you listen eagerly waiting for the juicy meat and potatoes of the interview to kick in. Finally, a question that you have to put some serious thought and intellect into answering. After the sentences have formed and you are glowing with confidence, the words come out. While your answers are impressing the panel, the older gentleman across from you interrupts and begins to reminisce about the olden days, continuing on for what seems like a short novel. Each question that is asked and for each answer that you have prepared, you begin to notice that the interview is beginning to focus not on you but instead hones in on the elder gentleman’s past experiences.

The beads of sweat on your forehead have evaporated and have turned into salty white trails and the clams that once laid nervously in your palms have shut tight and buried themselves deep away under your skin. As the lone story-teller in the interview asks you if there are any questions and as you ask your logical question the story continues with an enigmatic answer to your question. Wait what was that? A joke or actually a crass realization of intelligence of progress slithers from the intimidating bald gent and as laughter fills the room your body releases its tight grip of stress and you slouch in relief, as you now realize that even though your answers were muted and hidden behind a repetitive story, they were still heard by the other audiences in the room. As you all rise to commemorate the end of this long journey down memory lane, you are relaxed and confidently stroll out of the building thinking to yourself… “During an interview sometimes it is not what you say that gets you the job, it is the muting of your ideologies and own experiences conversely the opening of your mind to what story is being relayed that does the trick.”

Good luck Mr. Irons, you did very well and it was a pleasure intimidating you today.

Related articles

• The 10 most embarrassing situations in an interview (shoofshoghlak.basharjobs.com)
• 25 Common Job Interview Questions Asked (christianpf.com)

UC system are crooks – Stresser of the Day

Insensitive Ruler

So I just got word today that the UC system is changing all non-exempt employees to bi-weekly pay periods. This means a few things. First of it puts me right back into the deep stress that I worked hard to get out of. Second it means that measly pathetic 3% increase means absolutely shit and Third it means I will have at least $400 less per month to live off of. Not that UC President Mark G. Yudof gives a rat ass, he is making his millions along with the 6 useless deans and lawyers that just got an average of %15 raises; all in the name of keeping the “high quality staff” on board.

Hey Mr. Yudof, how about the true high quality staff that actually makes the UC system work on the day-to-day basis. If the UC system is receiving and going to receive less monetary backing from the state why on earth are you giving high staff positions (which are not necessary) massive raises? the UC system cannot afford it. Now we know why this state is so fucked up and going down the toilet. That is because we have incompetent and insensitive people in power and running things who have no idea what they are doing. In my field we are getting paid at minimum $30,000 less than the median salary in the Los Angeles county in the IT field. President Yudof, do you really think a 3% raise is going to keep your staff from leaving? If you think that is true, then you are as blind and foolish as the snobby UC Regents are.

On top of all that the UC system now wants to ban smoking on all of its campuses, real smart, you will have under paid, over stressed employees with no way to release that stress on a daily basis; for those that smoke. I sense alot of jumping ship happening soon, lucky this is the US Postal service, we all know how crazy those individuals are.

Funny thing is though, technically the location I work within the UC system, we do not even get paid by the state of California, we get paid by the federal government. When asking for a raise or re-class from the over-paid, severely under worked superiors, it’s always the same, oh we can’t afford it. BULLSHIT you can’t afford it. You don’t need those 6 figure salaries, why do you think you deserve those types of salaries. Just because you have a PhD, big deal, it’s a piece of paper. You do not know how to run a business, let alone care about your employees.

So I am giving my employer a choice, either give me a raise, re-classify my position or I am quitting. I wont be able to afford to go into work everyday, with a minimum of $400 less per month out of my living expenses. They say they want to keep high-quality staff on board, well they are going to lose one if they don’t do something soon. And yes I consider myself a high-quality staff member, because no one in my department knows how to do what I do.

Related articles

• UC campuses will ban smoking (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
• SFgate.comUC system bans smoking, chewing of tobacco (sfgate.com)
• UC system to ban smoking, chewing tobacco (mercurynews.com)
• UC system banning smoking from all campuses (sfgate.com)

Incompetent hiring causes lost revenue – Irony of the Day

Image by Timothy Wildey via Flickr

Once again, the company has proven that employing competent and qualified individuals is not their forte. As those in charge of this company, sit in their offices conducting unproductive banter, there I sat in my office chair, staring in  bewildered astonishment, reaching for invisible hair on my head that was once there. They laugh and ponder their next accomplishment to steal more money from the government, as my mind stirs at the notion that a rudimentary mistake by the individual that I replaced, may have caused the company to lose tens of thousands of dollars over the course of 10 years.

Astonishing at that may sound, the higher-ups actually believe that this rookie developer (Craig is his name) had the skills and management ability to set up and run their databases and business solutions. In actuality, this lame duck of an individual, couldn’t program his VCR if he had the opportunity. They speak of him as someone who helped the company and are still proud that he did what he did. As chance has it, they would not be too proud if they realized that a simple and should logically be realized skill could have the potential of past loses of the tens of thousands of revenue. This is one of the reason I chuckle every time I hear one of these moronic boobs

Can I say it please? – Irony of the Day

So you all know by now, my stance on the ignorance and basic lack of business knowledge that plagues the upper management in my company. Today happened to be one of those days that I can puff out my chest raise my head and look my immediate boss in the face and say…. “HA! I told you so!!!”

Let me explain. We had a beach blonde, bad Snooki tan surfer chick, whom was hired on 2 years ago to run some things for us. She was bossy, bitchy and thought that since she has a PhD, she was the shit. She would come in late, carrying her surfboard, work two hours and then leave. Other times she would supposedly “work from home” (i.e. She was surfing) and other times not work at all. Out of a total of the 2 years she was with the company I probably saw her a total of 6 full months. Her ignorance came from the lack of basic computer knowledge and the boondoggles she constantly came up with to make things better for the business application that I am in charge of. I let a few slide by because they were good ideas but the others were just those pesky “pet projects”

Disregard for employee safety rush before safety meeting – Stresser of the Day

It is unfortunate when someone loses their life to a violation of safety issues. It is my misfortune, however, that once again I will have to sit through another bland monotonous safety meeting. After 20 years of being employed at a number of companies, I have attended a fair share of these boring repeating safety meetings. You know the ones I am talking about, they contain bad actors/actresses, bad dialogue and bad comedy lines along with the same repeating safety issues.

Not only do I have to sleep through another one of those annoying monologues, but I also have to change the day I work from home, because it is schedule on the day that I do so. Now before you say, “Boohoo, get over it, so you have to drive into work,” you have to understand the day that I stay home and work is the same day that for some odd reason, traffic is at its worse. Literally, it takes me approximately 3 hours to get home.

Now for the ironic stress with this safety meeting. My company is notorious for calling upon my 3 person department (middle-aged, not fit men), to move things, such as conference desks, cabinets and other heavy objects. The kicker was today,