Ok, most people know that certain cultures have a scheduled day of the month that is bath time. Offensive as their body odor is, I presume to ponder the possibility that the sweet decaying aromas of foreign bodies within their trash bins are to fragrant for these other sub-dermal decaying bodies themselves. I work at a place where we invite people from around the world, and it never fails but I seem to have those who believe bathing is a once a month type of service, kind of like an oil change. Each room has its’ own trash bin, small as it may be it is big enough for daily garbage disposal.
I used to keep mine outside, due to the position I am in and accessibility I have and I do not allow cleaning crews in my office. I began to notice my trash bin piling up with garbage, I don’t produce that much garbage and realized that it was these decaying bodies of ignorant matter depositing their trash into mine instead of depositing it into their. Well to curb this urge to not only make their own offices smell but to spread their putrid aromas around the hallways too, I decided to move my bin into my office. “Ha Haaa! They won’t be using mine anymore,” so I thought. I came back from making a trip outside and what do I see but one of those odor laden individuals walking out of my office. I looked into my trash bin and wouldn’t you know it that unbathed, unkept lazy fuck put her trash into my bin.
Just because you insist on keeping your body aroma to a sub-par level, even a dog wont sniff you, does not give you the right to pass it around like it’s a new-born baby.
Daddy’s little girl and Father’s pride and joy, isn’t that what all father’s want to be able to say about their daughters and sons? We teach them many things, event after they are adults the teaching still continues. As Cartman from South Park says, “Respect yo authoritay!” I guess my children never saw that episode, nor listened to any of my teachings. I spent 13 years of my daughters life and 16 of my son’s to respect their elders, yet not even the LAPD could stop this protest. Not to get into details but my daughter and yours truly have not spoken nor seen each other since July 4, 2011. We got into an agrument and I informed her that if she didn’t want to respect me as her father, then to leave. And leave she did.
Funny how you spend years treating someone like she is the princess of your world to have her over throw the throne and banish you to the fields along with the peasants.
Busy America, always on our phones. Not while we are driving though, so says the law.
It dawned on me tonight while I was driving down the 210 freeway that the California Highway Patrol is actually promoting DWC… Driving While Calling. There are signs up both permanent signs and traffic board signs informing drivers that they can call 511 to check on the driving conditions of the freeways. Ironic is it not? There have been aggressive pushes to forbid drivers to be distracted while driving, yet, there is a hotline you can call, WHILE DRIVING, to check on the traffic conditions ahead of you. Does this not go against what the lawmakers have been saying all along, that driving while distracted increases the chance of an accident.
Go ahead, make the call. Because the next person that does will be hearing about the accident you just caused.
Refrigerators are a wonderful item, are they not? It’s like a 24 hour drive-thru right within your own house. You have your drinks, your sides, your main courses, maybe just one genre of cuisine or many depending on how much of a diverse connoisseur you are of food, and you have your tasty dessert treats. And that ladies and gentlemen is the problem.
Refrigerators should be locked down after a certain time each night, well at least in my house they should. There has been a rash of heavy food consumption raids after late hours in my kitchen. The culpret is described as… hold on let me look in the mirror. For some reason, for approximately the past 8 months, late at night, I have been getting food cravings like crazy. I will get up and begin eating little things; chips, ice cream bars, fruit. Then shamefully, the burners are lit and something is cooking on the stove; quesadillas, eggs and bacon, hamburger. As crazy or normal as this may sound, it has become a constant frustration for me due to my increasing waist line. The doctors do not know what it is or the cause.
I am hereby putting to vote a law that will ban 24 hour refrigerator service. Who’s with me?
Stress, confusion and curiosity lead us not to hide, but to search out the next day to see what happens next.
You have the greats, Terry Fator and Jeff Dunham, I now present to you the up and coming new talent… ButterballTurkey! No need to applause just yet, he only does animal sounds for now. My daughter and fiance were prepping the turkey earlier today; taking the gizzards out, stuffing the belly and buttering Butterball in its dressing tray. After the tedious duties of making Butterball look his best, it was show time.
My daughter picked Butterball up, it was showtime! The crowd was ready to see this new phenom take the stage. Butterball was so anxious to get on stage, that he just couldn’t hold back. As he stood up from the dressing tray, the butter slathered over his skin caused an air pocket against his tray and the cold air got him going, he did his famous impression… “Snnnort Oink!” He always does an awesome pig. The crowd went crazy, my daughter looked up and shouted “Butterball oinked at me, I didn’t know they make pig noises!” and my fiance had to cross her legs to contain herself from laughing so hard.
Butterball was a huge success, the crowd loved him and expect a return with more impressions next year.