Breakfast bounces off the plates – Laugh of the Day

Oh my son, you gotta love him. He has the heart of gold, a caring soul and a mind that will make him your best friend, not to mention he is intimidating in size. I am teaching him how to cook and for the most part he does well. The timing of making food for him is a little off though.

It is his girlfriend’s 17th birthday today, and instead of going out for a breakfast, he decided he wanted to make her breakfast (she didn’t spend the night, she came over in the morning). I woke this morning with the delicious fatty aroma of bacon, buttery eggs and Hazelnut java brewing in the pot. My mouth was watering. I proceeded to the kitchen, where I saw the succulent meals prepared on their plates and no one in sight to eat it. In comes the morning chef and I ask what time she was coming over. He stated that she will be coming over at 9:00 am, mind you it is only 8:00 am at this point. I took a second look at him when he told me this and explained that making breakfast is a timing thing, especially when you make eggs; bacon is good whenever you eat it. I took a taste of some of the eggs and as expected they were rubbery and very cold. The look on his face was devastating to say the least.

Incompetent hiring causes lost revenue – Irony of the Day

Image by Timothy Wildey via Flickr

Once again, the company has proven that employing competent and qualified individuals is not their forte. As those in charge of this company, sit in their offices conducting unproductive banter, there I sat in my office chair, staring in  bewildered astonishment, reaching for invisible hair on my head that was once there. They laugh and ponder their next accomplishment to steal more money from the government, as my mind stirs at the notion that a rudimentary mistake by the individual that I replaced, may have caused the company to lose tens of thousands of dollars over the course of 10 years.

Astonishing at that may sound, the higher-ups actually believe that this rookie developer (Craig is his name) had the skills and management ability to set up and run their databases and business solutions. In actuality, this lame duck of an individual, couldn’t program his VCR if he had the opportunity. They speak of him as someone who helped the company and are still proud that he did what he did. As chance has it, they would not be too proud if they realized that a simple and should logically be realized skill could have the potential of past loses of the tens of thousands of revenue. This is one of the reason I chuckle every time I hear one of these moronic boobs

Can I say it please? – Irony of the Day

So you all know by now, my stance on the ignorance and basic lack of business knowledge that plagues the upper management in my company. Today happened to be one of those days that I can puff out my chest raise my head and look my immediate boss in the face and say…. “HA! I told you so!!!”

Let me explain. We had a beach blonde, bad Snooki tan surfer chick, whom was hired on 2 years ago to run some things for us. She was bossy, bitchy and thought that since she has a PhD, she was the shit. She would come in late, carrying her surfboard, work two hours and then leave. Other times she would supposedly “work from home” (i.e. She was surfing) and other times not work at all. Out of a total of the 2 years she was with the company I probably saw her a total of 6 full months. Her ignorance came from the lack of basic computer knowledge and the boondoggles she constantly came up with to make things better for the business application that I am in charge of. I let a few slide by because they were good ideas but the others were just those pesky “pet projects”

Disregard for employee safety rush before safety meeting – Stresser of the Day

It is unfortunate when someone loses their life to a violation of safety issues. It is my misfortune, however, that once again I will have to sit through another bland monotonous safety meeting. After 20 years of being employed at a number of companies, I have attended a fair share of these boring repeating safety meetings. You know the ones I am talking about, they contain bad actors/actresses, bad dialogue and bad comedy lines along with the same repeating safety issues.

Not only do I have to sleep through another one of those annoying monologues, but I also have to change the day I work from home, because it is schedule on the day that I do so. Now before you say, “Boohoo, get over it, so you have to drive into work,” you have to understand the day that I stay home and work is the same day that for some odd reason, traffic is at its worse. Literally, it takes me approximately 3 hours to get home.

Now for the ironic stress with this safety meeting. My company is notorious for calling upon my 3 person department (middle-aged, not fit men), to move things, such as conference desks, cabinets and other heavy objects. The kicker was today,

Stop smoking in the smoking section please – Stresser of the Day

There I was, sitting in the small courtyard at work, minding my own business and performing one of the most heinous habits of them all. No not digging for gold, picking my seat or picking at my potatoes. I was filling my lungs with the cancer causing chemicals of tar, nicotine and arsenic. Yes I know smoking is bad and that it is shortening my life. Please don’t say “Just quit smoking“, if you say that will find something that you use to take stress, anxiety and anger away and tell you to quit that, its only fair. I know I have to quit, it’s not that easy but soon i am going to have to stop smoking at work all together anyway, but that story is for another time.

This story is what happened today, when I was enjoying my time to relieve some work related stress. I was sitting in a company designated smoking area, signs were clearly visible. If you look around, near every bench, there is a gravel vertical ashtray to deposit your spent cancer sticks; some ignorantly think it is a trash receptacle as well. As i was sitting there, a young man and woman proceeded to sit down two benches away, took out their, what looked like their regurgitated breakfasts and started to eat. I proceed to take my usual inhaling of poison and exhale with ease and see the stress exiting my body. Then I heard the usual, attention getter… “cough, cough.” It wasn’t to loud but just loud enough for me to hear. Then it proceeded to get louder and louder, and being a parent I have developed a keen sense of super sonic hearing. Under their breath i heard them say,