Stop smoking in the smoking section please – Stresser of the Day

Store room in South London pub showing discard...

There I was, sitting in the small courtyard at work, minding my own business and performing one of the most heinous habits of them all. No not digging for gold, picking my seat or picking at my potatoes. I was filling my lungs with the cancer causing chemicals of tar, nicotine and arsenic. Yes I know smoking is bad and that it is shortening my life. Please don’t say “Just quit smoking“, if you say that will find something that you use to take stress, anxiety and anger away and tell you to quit that, its only fair. I know I have to quit, it’s not that easy but soon i am going to have to stop smoking at work all together anyway, but that story is for another time.

This story is what happened today, when I was enjoying my time to relieve some work related stress. I was sitting in a company designated smoking area, signs were clearly visible. If you look around, near every bench, there is a gravel vertical ashtray to deposit your spent cancer sticks; some ignorantly think it is a trash receptacle as well. As i was sitting there, a young man and woman proceeded to sit down two benches away, took out their, what looked like their regurgitated breakfasts and started to eat. I proceed to take my usual inhaling of poison and exhale with ease and see the stress exiting my body. Then I heard the usual, attention getter… “cough, cough.” It wasn’t to loud but just loud enough for me to hear. Then it proceeded to get louder and louder, and being a parent I have developed a keen sense of super sonic hearing. Under their breath i heard them say, “Some people are so rude, we are eating here and he is just blowing his smoke everywhere.” Mind you I was intently trying to blow my smoke away from them as to not consume their “meals” with a natural smokey flavor. All of the sudden, the man approached me and blowing my mind proceed to tell me that I needed to be polite and stop smoking since they were eating. I looked at this ignorant pair of clueless young adults and said, verbatim, “If you are capable of reading, there are signs saying that this is a smoking area, and if you noticed there are ashtrays next to every bench. Therefore, since this is the designated smoking area and I was here first, you need to either deal with the smoke or pack up that pig slop in those Tupperware bowls and go to a smoke free area.” Considering the stress I was under I think I handled it pretty well and calmly. That is, until he had the nerve to say something so stupid and utterly ridiculous that even my cigarette couldn’t hold me back.

This idiot actually turned to his snotty looking woman friend and said, and I quote “He’s being an asshole, god will judge him when he gets to the gates, and it maybe faster than he thinks. Lets pray for him tonight.” I looked at them, like I was looking at one of my children that just stole my car and wrecked it, anger in my eyes and the angry father vein popping out of my forehead, proceeded to rip these “born-again” Christian fanatics about how contradictory they were and that if I don’t care about my lungs why would I care about harming them with my second-hand smoke. I know this was not a nice thing to say but that contradictory born again Christian way of thinking really pisses me off. Doesn’t God say thou shall not judge another?

Another cancer inhibiting stick was in order as those two wackos packed up their garbage pail lunch and reluctantly walked off to another area. People, I know smoking is bad, and I agree that it is rude to smoke where non-smokers are occupying areas, but if there is a designated smoking area, the non-smokers need to realize that they are in our domain and need to respect what is being done in there and not say anything. Us smokers are there for one reason and one reason only, please do not do or say anything to make us have to start all over again. We won’t be happy.

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