Interview with an Idiot

Reasons Not to Be an Idiot

There comes a time in every managers tenure, that one must consider the questions and procedures of an interview must change. With a plethora of pondering and possibilities of skills that one possesses, why does it seem to fit to still ask those dreaded redundant questions of old? These are the questions not of which focus on what the achievements and accomplishments of the interviewed or the possibilities of future such instances but the questions that have the highest potential to be a look into an imaginary world of self-assurance and ass kissing.

With the deep sedated pool of available talent looking for employment, one desires to find the best individual for the position. Therefore it is only logical to ask questions that will isolate the distinct individual just right for the job. These questions are micro specific and focuses on the field and position, not questions of the macro general field of desires, aspirations and dreams.

I am bringing this up because in the second round of interviews for a position at my company, our idiotic and lazy (to say the least) Finance Director must have not had enough energy to think of logical questions to ask and instead scour the internet for the top 10 basic interview questions and decided that was good enough. God forbid he actually for once uses his own words to ask or explain anything. His questions were the exact questions you would hear in an interview for a fast-food chain or basic job.

The following will show the questions asked with a proud grin and the answers I would have loved to hear:

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

A: I see myself alive and wondering why you were even invited to this interview.

Q: Why are you looking for a new place to work? (no joke, it was actually asked this way)

A: Because it was too boring. When I get bored with something I move on to something more exciting.

Q: What are your greatest strengths?

A: Putting up with redundant and useless questions. Oh and I can bench 325.

Q: What are you weaknesses?

A: My traveling joint pain, which causes me to take time off to work without notice.

Q: What is your work ethic like, you know in terms of working? (again not a joke, actually per datum)

A: Well I like to wake up around 8 or 9 and eventually make it into work, then I require at least a 45 minute nap either before or after lunch and I do not like working over time. Also I will not do anything outside the scope of my job description.

Q: In your mind why should we hire you? (seriously? I didn’t expect the interviewed to answer that question with someone elses thoughts)

A: Because you need someone to fill the position and I want a posh secure job that doesn’t require a lot of effort.

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4 comments on “Interview with an Idiot

  1. I love the question “what would you do if confronted by an irate customer?” My answer, “tell them to fuck off”.

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