Tormented Talking Taxis – Stresser of the Day

Taxis in Hemel Hempstead.

Taxis in Hemel Hempstead. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Each morning, driving through the cornucopia of cellphone talking, newspaper reading and fattening breakfast burritos eating drivers on one of the major Southern California highway’s is enough to make anyone go mad with blissful banter of bad behaviors. However, those individuals are not the true stressors of my daily commute. No, they are easily dealt with through a quick hand-slam on the steering wheel to break them out of their comatose state of endless dreary driving. The true culprit’s of my impending arrival to another drab day at work are the relentless droves of Blue and White taxi drivers standing in the middle of the street, smoking their “Camels” and engaging in idle banter of the next rising of Allah.

Around the bend, following the posted speed limits, the treaded tires grip the road, the gas pedal becomes a static stick in the floor as the brake pedal becomes an emergency bail out of epic proportions. A group of tainted taxi drivers stand vicariously close to the center of the road. Lethargecally laughing at their devious terror plots to cause an accident, they grin in the direction of the driver with their smoke-stained hollowed out unorganized mouth of teeth peaking from their ratty dark beards. The hand slams on the horn, blaring a high-octane raging horn in the inconsiderate imbeciles, seems to have no effect. Their cynical stares into the windshield, rudely running a dagger of hate into the drivers eyes angers him so. The merciful middle finger extension acquires a somewhat disdained reaction of the same. Words of incriminating evidence for hate for both taxi drivers and race, finally, a rebellious reaction to the blast of discrimination not to mention the screeching of the revved up rear axle wheels beginning to barrel down on the group. The groups hurriedly moves to the side and an early morning yelling match spews onto the street as the driver slows the pace to exchange words with the pustulous persons of the taxi world.

Every morning, not just myself but other drivers have to deal with these iconic idiots of the taxi world on the way to work. They have no due diligence to mind traffic laws driving nor do they mind any laws with impeding of thru traffic on streets. Get the hell out-of-the-way or someday one of you will be turned into a speed bump by a unknowing unobservant driver.

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Curiosity kills the car – Question of the Day

Ever wonder why drivers slow down to see someone getting a ticket or to view a tiny fender bender? And at the same time not watching what they are doing and cause another piece of vehicular art for even more drivers to leer at while driving?

Same ignorance and stress, Different Year – Stresser of the Day

Cover of "Office Space (Special Edition w...

will be doing a piece on this soon enough

Hi Ho, Hi Hohhh… It’s back to work I go. Well my fellow stressed out followers, after a long 2 weeks of blissful Eden like vacation, it had to happen. The dreadful day of returning to the office for another year of stress and ignorance from high intellectuals who have no sense of common sense.

The day started out with the usual doldrums drive along the 210 to the 10 freeway with the usual “hands-not-so-free” cell phone chats, texters and bong smokers with the occasional old person driving so slow and so close their windshield that their breath can steam the windows. Once I arrive in my office, I open my email to begin reading some absurd and cryptic emails from my bosses. Along with those trash bin headed emails, I notice a ton of emails from would be participants for a few of our events, that for some reason expect people to be available 24 hours a day 7 days a week, no matter how mundane or insignificant their requests are. For instance I received 12 emails from the same individual asking to add something for him to our website, all over the course of 4 days (Mind you an “Auto-Responder” from the webmaster was sent out each time this impatient pest sent an email).

One email stood out especially brutal for me, because it showed the true lack of commitment and dedication this supposed boss had for the company. He instructed my immediate superior and myself to let anyone in, who comes wanting to get into his office, while he was away to “use his books.” Uh excuse me Mr. PhD. Continue reading

New Work Year countdown T minus 18 hours – Laugh of the Day

Cover of "Back to Work: How to Rehabilita...

Well vacation, it’s been a blast.  You provided me with relaxation, a stress free environment and a sense of calm that rests over a dry cold night on a lake.  Even though I did not achieve half of what I wanted to achieve during my two and a half week haitus from my daily grind, I did enjoy those things that were accomplished.

The countdown has started till I have to rise like the early bird and catch the daily worm of traffic back to work. It doesn’t help that I get an up-to-date countdown reminder by my son. Every 10 minutes he comes to me and says… “It’s almost time dad, start getting ready!” I know it will be getting old and I will be turning into a frustrated mass of bubbling matter later this evening. However, I will look back and say to myself that that was one great vacation, and even though I dread to be consumed by the ignorant stresses of work, I am still happy to sit in my office and create wonderful tools for my people.

Bon voyage, farewell oh sweet vacation. Till next time.

Double Entendre causes embarassing laugh – Laugh of the Day

Only the serious know how to truly laugh

So I was pulling in the gas station today, when I decided to ask my son to pump the gas for me while I ran into the Vons Quick-Mart. He happily obliged and I took a quick stroll inside. I came outside and that is when the foot got stuck in the mouth. Keep an open mind and think like a guy for a few seconds while you read the words that were said. Remember this was outside and out loud in front of a full 12 station gas station.

What is a Double Entendre: its a word or phrase that has a double meaning.

Son: “Dad I spilled some.”

Me: “What happened?”

Son: “I couldn’t get it in in-time and it squirted out all over the place.”

Me: “What do you mean you couldn’t get it in?”

Son: “Well it was hard to find.”

Me: “It’s right there, you can’t miss it.”

Son: “It is a very small hole, and it was hard to find.”

Me: “(Snickering) Dude! Shhhhhhh.”

Son: “Well it was a tight fit dad, and I squeeze it trying to get it in and it just squirted out. It was hard to fit in to too.”

Me: (Laughing) “Dude! just pump the gas.”

By this time a guy next to me was busting up laughing and a woman walking by slowed her paced, and her jaw dropped and I heard a giggle. The more he talked and tried to explain, the further his foot got into his gut. It wasn’t until after he finished, got in the car that he realized that what he was saying was being heard as something completely different than pumping gas.