PhD Nazi at your service – Stresser of the Day

Doctor of Philosophy Degree

Doctor of Philosophy Degree (Photo credit: rwoan)

PhD holders be on the look out for a down-to-earth thinker called the “PhD Nazi“.

PhD’s, ah the Doctors of Philosophy. Those whom study hard and pay through the keester for an over-priced education, just so they can wave it around and believe in their own philosophical warped-fantasy world that they are above all us commoners by simply the power of having more knowledge. Mind you, not by acquisitions of vast knowledge of many things, but a vast knowledge of one minute particle of existence that is a small part of everyday existence. Medical and Psychological PhD’s need not to heed this warning as your services are greatly appreciated and have been found many times over useful.

No, the “PhD Nazi” is after those PhD’s that signify knowledge of quirks, space and numbers. The Scientific and Mathematical PhD’s that is. These living under a rock-bound hermits have no clue of common sense nor do they contain the skills to correspond with any other human outside of their own “clique.” Their reading and comprehension skills are putrid and lacking any type of useful English understanding. Their arrogance, unkept and bizarre existence amongst normal civilization seems to be upheld by some strange law that the piece of paper with the words PhD means that they should be served by those with less possessions. Yet, with such a vast knowledge of one minute atom of civilized existence, they do hold in their possession the incompetence and social distortion of a bully.

If the “PhD Nazi” should run into one of these neurotic self-proclaimed deities, you will hear a loud “No PhD for you!”

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Tormented Talking Taxis – Stresser of the Day

Taxis in Hemel Hempstead.

Taxis in Hemel Hempstead. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Each morning, driving through the cornucopia of cellphone talking, newspaper reading and fattening breakfast burritos eating drivers on one of the major Southern California highway’s is enough to make anyone go mad with blissful banter of bad behaviors. However, those individuals are not the true stressors of my daily commute. No, they are easily dealt with through a quick hand-slam on the steering wheel to break them out of their comatose state of endless dreary driving. The true culprit’s of my impending arrival to another drab day at work are the relentless droves of Blue and White taxi drivers standing in the middle of the street, smoking their “Camels” and engaging in idle banter of the next rising of Allah.

Around the bend, following the posted speed limits, the treaded tires grip the road, the gas pedal becomes a static stick in the floor as the brake pedal becomes an emergency bail out of epic proportions. A group of tainted taxi drivers stand vicariously close to the center of the road. Lethargecally laughing at their devious terror plots to cause an accident, they grin in the direction of the driver with their smoke-stained hollowed out unorganized mouth of teeth peaking from their ratty dark beards. The hand slams on the horn, blaring a high-octane raging horn in the inconsiderate imbeciles, seems to have no effect. Their cynical stares into the windshield, rudely running a dagger of hate into the drivers eyes angers him so. The merciful middle finger extension acquires a somewhat disdained reaction of the same. Words of incriminating evidence for hate for both taxi drivers and race, finally, a rebellious reaction to the blast of discrimination not to mention the screeching of the revved up rear axle wheels beginning to barrel down on the group. The groups hurriedly moves to the side and an early morning yelling match spews onto the street as the driver slows the pace to exchange words with the pustulous persons of the taxi world.

Every morning, not just myself but other drivers have to deal with these iconic idiots of the taxi world on the way to work. They have no due diligence to mind traffic laws driving nor do they mind any laws with impeding of thru traffic on streets. Get the hell out-of-the-way or someday one of you will be turned into a speed bump by a unknowing unobservant driver.

It’s not a square trying to fit into a circle.

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Company urinal not serving its purpose

PhD Mathematicians and Scientists, their minds are brilliant. With theory, probability and complexing enigmatic solutions to conundrums of the ages, they work diligently to solve mankind’s greatest questions. With the grey matter that they hold so dear and have evolved to a much deeper grey they are able to find solutions and answers for life’s most demanding questions.

SO! How damn hard is it to find a solution for the emptying of ones bladder into the urinal it is intended?

Here is one of those enigmatic conundrums that are still unsolved. Coming into work at 6:00 am everyday, it is peaceful, quiet and serene even. The halls have an eerie dark peacefulness lurking in the air, rooms still without light rest peacefully till the morning sun rise and the bathrooms sparkle fragrently ready to serve all of its patrons. As usual, the honor goes to the early worker who enjoys the cleanliness and serenity of the comfortable bathroom. Visitors begin to arrive before the rest of the building personnel does and they too get the gratification of using a still uncontaminated bathroom. One last trip before the rest of the colleagues arrive, the serenity, the sparkle the sweet aroma of Pine Sol has dissipated and been replaced with the aromas of laziness and thoughtless acts. The serenity has been replaced with a sense of stress and uneasiness. The sweet aromas of cleaning solutions have been replaced with a smell of testosterone laden dogs marking their territories. The clean sparkle, replaced with puddles of sparkling yellow liquid on the blue tiles reaching up to invite the iron stomached guests.

Between the time after the first patron visited and the second return, individuals, who should have the mental capacity to fit a needle in a hula hoop, have found a way to desecrate a hard nights work by those that scrub and toil away on the grime of society.

Scientists, your minds are able to solve the theory and wonders of the world, therefore solve the mysterious hypothesis that is about to be presented to you:

Hypothesis: A stream of water, with a maximum diameter of 1/8 of an inch, being forced out of a cylinder at the rate of 25 miles an hour should be capable of hitting its target with a maximum diameter of 1 1/2 feet wide by 1 1/2 feet high, one hundred percent of the time.

Mathematicians, your minds see numbers, formulas and complexities abound, solving the means of accomplishment by numbers you should be able to answer this probability:

What is the probability of a small stream of water, being projected at a 40 degree arching angle at high velocity, hitting a circular target 2 inches wide with a 1 foot margin of error in diameter?

If either of your brilliant minds can solve the questions presented to you, please next time, put it into practice and hit your targets.

Stop smoking in the smoking section please – Stresser of the Day

Store room in South London pub showing discard...

There I was, sitting in the small courtyard at work, minding my own business and performing one of the most heinous habits of them all. No not digging for gold, picking my seat or picking at my potatoes. I was filling my lungs with the cancer causing chemicals of tar, nicotine and arsenic. Yes I know smoking is bad and that it is shortening my life. Please don’t say “Just quit smoking“, if you say that will find something that you use to take stress, anxiety and anger away and tell you to quit that, its only fair. I know I have to quit, it’s not that easy but soon i am going to have to stop smoking at work all together anyway, but that story is for another time.

This story is what happened today, when I was enjoying my time to relieve some work related stress. I was sitting in a company designated smoking area, signs were clearly visible. If you look around, near every bench, there is a gravel vertical ashtray to deposit your spent cancer sticks; some ignorantly think it is a trash receptacle as well. As i was sitting there, a young man and woman proceeded to sit down two benches away, took out their, what looked like their regurgitated breakfasts and started to eat. I proceed to take my usual inhaling of poison and exhale with ease and see the stress exiting my body. Then I heard the usual, attention getter… “cough, cough.” It wasn’t to loud but just loud enough for me to hear. Then it proceeded to get louder and louder, and being a parent I have developed a keen sense of super sonic hearing. Under their breath i heard them say, Continue reading

Personal Space all used up in Checkout Line – Stresser of the Day

Reaction of two people whose personal space ar...

Since when did it become ok to violate someone’s personal space in the checkout lines in Department Stores? And since when did it become ok to spread your potentially volatile germs around to everyone around you?

This happens quiet often with me when I am in the check-out line at most any store. Today especially was nerve-racking. I was about to pay for my purchases at Target, when this mid-life crisis woman (about 50 years old) decided to not just get inside my personal space, but she basically hijacked it and raped it. She was standing right next to me, prohibiting me from swiping my card to pay. Not only that, but she insisted on hacking up what sounded like the rest of her rusty dusty lungs from years of smoking. I, kindly looked at her, asked her to move and she simply stood there like she finally kicked the bucket and turned to stone, not saying a word. So being the rude ass that I am, I gently side-stepped right into her pushing her aside with my body. Oddly enough she didn’t get the hint and attempted to invade my body once again by peering over my shoulder as I entered my card number (I changed my mind and used the visa part of my card). So with these actions I looked at her and in an assertive voice asked her if she would like my social security number and drivers license as well so she could steal my identity all together. The cashier as well as the two people behind this body-snatcher, busted out laughing.

Personal space is like a man cave for me, its mine all mine, don’t come into it unless invited and definitely don’t be polluting the air in my space with your infections.