As I sit here, late in the High Desert quiet dark cool evening, the future is pondered. Losing one family member Friday afternoon and another in the emergency room… yet again, these two family members both have spouses, family and friends that love them and provided a safe place within personal space to feel comforted and secure. Reveling in the Forty-four years; Kinship, friendships and relationships came and went, basically all were bad.
The kinship was for the most part the fault of this singular body. Efforts of parenthood was a pure failure. Efforts with extended family just never seemed to gel.
Friendships, after turbulent times came to abrupt ends, and no efforts to find new bonds ensued. Quite simply put, there is no conscience reasons to have any friends.
Relationships, well those are pure enjoyment. All have failed for some reason or another, and the opposite gender was always to cheat and/or leave. I guess those two kind of go hand-in-hand.
That last one, it is a continuous struggle. It has been concluded that there is no hope in finding love again. Attempts have been made, but it has become obvious that this individual is not appealing to the opposite sex. Although there are those that desire to become acquainted, but there is lacking of certain criteria that turns the head away; No vehicle, job or still living with parents is definitely not appealing, as well, having a litter of children is not something that is desired either.
With all of this culminating background and with the instances of my two family members, there still is a desire to be in solitude. The white flag has been raised high on its mast and is flying proudly and a little sadly in the High Desert winds.