Category Laugh of the Day

Jan 25 2018

Fossil ears appropriating grouchy

Tempered glass rolled down, rubber laid on the asphalt cruising around exposing others to the nerve burning thumps of bass, the high pitches of tweeters and incomprehensible vocals. Many an aures of homines become perturbed by this invasion of physical pollution.

T’was one aspect when it is being spewed by the blossoming youth, tis another when the proverbial smack across the face comes striking fast and firm, when it is the self that is bothered by the blaring of decibels of their own music. To aquire irritation and scold at the self to lower reverberations is when the realization kicks in that age is creeping by quite rapidly.

Jan 24 2018

Required standardized chaos, Participation optional

The befuddled banner banter may confuse the mind, however the comprehension of the target of why this is uttered will bring forth a luminous understanding and a quick chuckle.

Imagine if you will, the deep pockets to your company along with five of your sister companies, has had it up to the proverbial chin with the constantly inconsistent data they receive from half of your group. The financier’s toady proceeds to gather the heads of the IT departments to inform all, in order to appease the deep pocket gods, a software package to normalize all of the incoming data is required. Over the past half a year, requirements have been presented, removed and altered. Half of the companies are in full agreement with such a normalization software package as well as utilize such. However, the other half, the half that are the culprits to the bad data are opposed to the entire idea.

And on the seventh month, the gods stepped down and noted, all data within the reports are required to be standardized using the forthcoming software, but it is an optional step…

Yes, please scratch the imaginary question mark and try to make sense of the conundrum.

Now, imagine the deep pockets come from none other than the “by the book” Federal Government. Excuse the momentary delay, while the tongue is firmly removed from inside the cheek. Now, do not consider this as a current administration faux pas, as this type of conscience confusion has been in existence well before the unfiltered hyperbole of the current administration took office.

Therefore, in a world where standardization should be the norm, when chaos ensues, optional requirements is not an oxymoron that one wants to hear. Intelligent deep pockets appear to be synonymous to the infamous jumbo shrimp.

Jan 6 2015

Hitting pause on Mr. Replay

Major Facepalm

Major Facepalm

So after three long luxurious weeks of blissful peacefulness and relaxation, It was time to set the 2:15 AM ear piercing squeals of the alarms to ensure a timely wake-up and preparation for the long commute to work. Being a workaholic, one tends to miss the hustle and bustle of a career environment, the chatter of incompetence and progress of persuasive talk from intellects and the effects ones completed projects have on the company. During the long one hour forty-five minute drive to work (with no traffic) one has time to recollect the years closing and what is expected and planned for the new year as well as all of the familiarities of the office.There was something missing though…

Arriving in the wee early morning hours, with no one else around, work began and timelines projected. The sound of squeaky doors, held shut and steady during the long holiday break, gave indication that colleagues and others were slowly dredging their way into a new year and a new set of hurdles and projects. Swinging the cold door to the office and looking across, the door to a top executive was ajar, yeah it may be early but he is always up for a quick software jab. Laughter and techie talk ensued and came to an end and yet still something was missing…

A quick half flew through the window and in came the immediate supervisor, grunting and conversing to who no one is quite sure still. After the dust and food crumbs settled in his office, a question was asked and an ensuing two hour one sided conversation was had and that is when it hit like a ton of bricks and the feeling of the invisible palm of the hand slapping the forehead with a “Doh!” following. That is what was missing, the conversations with this particular individual and hearing the same thing repeated over and over again. It is like having a vinyl record get stuck on the same groove and go around and around forever until someone bumps the arm to get it moving again. Oh the joys of these conversations, Mental note after he is done repeating, do not ask another question.

Feb 23 2013

Leap frog with the fishes – Laugh of the Day

20130223_174038Spring is a comin’! Oh the joys and jolly’s that come with springtime. The trees are starting to awaken from their winter slumber. The roses beginning to stretch its tiny sprouts sideways, up ways and cross ways. The flowers are starting to stir beneath their protective winter coat of shells. The mosquitoes begin the dance of spring love… Oh no mosquitoes!

The peaceful pond that resides in a small corner of the yard has enjoyed a pest free fall and wet winter. Yet, all that seems forgetful, for now comes the emphatic emergency response to ensure that the scenic spring and pale summer for the residents of and around the pond can enjoy the world without being sucked dry of their hemoglobin. A trip up the mountains, to a hideaway water garden store provided the super pest remover needed along with a side-show of belly rolling laughs. Mosquito’s hate one particular water dweller, and that is the king mosquito hunter himself, the mosquito fish. This store did not simply provide a small stock to choose from but over 15 water gardens to acquire the sleeping super hunters from beneath the depths of the water surface.

Sure one may explore the confines of a local pet depot and tap on the thick plastic glass that provides a barrier between oneself and the water dwellers, but those fish are spoiled and serene in their perfectly tempered water elements and fake air bubbling to the surface. However, for the outside pond enthusiast, one must consider the elements of Mother Nature, the boiling heat, the frigid water chilling cold and the down-pours of clouds crying. Given these circumstances and the fact of living outside during these occurrences, these are the super fish that are desired for the wonderful water landscapes. 20 of such super hunters is what I was after.

The young gentlemen, talk and lanky, grabbed the extended large net and a low rimmed bucket. As he pursued his hunt down the small hill, looking to the immediate left one could see a small wash tub full of these super hunters. With a head scratch and shrug of the shoulders, the eyes peered at the eager young lad performing an act of pure chuckles. Guessing that these fish are speedy little buggers, the talk lanky legs of this gentleman aided in a flight of leaps and bounds over the rocks, around the edges and over the ponds to catch these super fish. After an amusing medium of an hour passed, the smile exuding a grand accomplishment and the deep gasping for air after a deep jungle mission of source, could only produce a burst of laughter from both. No explanation was given nor needed. With transaction receipt in hand and the super hunters on their way to their new home, one could only imagine why can’t all employees perform like that for their customers.

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May 16 2012

Interview with an Idiot

Reasons Not to Be an Idiot

There comes a time in every managers tenure, that one must consider the questions and procedures of an interview must change. With a plethora of pondering and possibilities of skills that one possesses, why does it seem to fit to still ask those dreaded redundant questions of old? These are the questions not of which focus on what the achievements and accomplishments of the interviewed or the possibilities of future such instances but the questions that have the highest potential to be a look into an imaginary world of self-assurance and ass kissing.

With the deep sedated pool of available talent looking for employment, one desires to find the best individual for the position. Therefore it is only logical to ask questions that will isolate the distinct individual just right for the job. These questions are micro specific and focuses on the field and position, not questions of the macro general field of desires, aspirations and dreams.

I am bringing this up because in the second round of interviews for a position at my company, our idiotic and lazy (to say the least) Finance Director must have not had enough energy to think of logical questions to ask and instead scour the internet for the top 10 basic interview questions and decided that was good enough. God forbid he actually for once uses his own words to ask or explain anything. His questions were the exact questions you would hear in an interview for a fast-food chain or basic job.

The following will show the questions asked with a proud grin and the answers I would have loved to hear:

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

A: I see myself alive and wondering why you were even invited to this interview.

Q: Why are you looking for a new place to work? (no joke, it was actually asked this way)

A: Because it was too boring. When I get bored with something I move on to something more exciting.

Q: What are your greatest strengths?

A: Putting up with redundant and useless questions. Oh and I can bench 325.

Q: What are you weaknesses?

A: My traveling joint pain, which causes me to take time off to work without notice.

Q: What is your work ethic like, you know in terms of working? (again not a joke, actually per datum)

A: Well I like to wake up around 8 or 9 and eventually make it into work, then I require at least a 45 minute nap either before or after lunch and I do not like working over time. Also I will not do anything outside the scope of my job description.

Q: In your mind why should we hire you? (seriously? I didn’t expect the interviewed to answer that question with someone elses thoughts)

A: Because you need someone to fill the position and I want a posh secure job that doesn’t require a lot of effort.

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